Friday 26th February 1943

It was my lay in this morning, 8.15am when I got up. Dinner time at home. My thumb was not done last night and now after cleaning up all the muck of the galley the bandage and everything has come off. Any it is not redressed. It looks awful bad, not burst yet. I shall probably have to have it lanced. Now I have got a bad place coming upon my other hand, believe me I'm doing fine. Glad though my bum is better.

It is sunny here in New York but very cold. 9 o'clock now. I'm darned glad it is too for I am tired. We have had to make bread again tonight, for our bread has not come from shore yet. The crew are glad they like ships bread, it is more wholesome. I dressed my thumb tonight and it burst. URGH! You should have seen the awful coloured muck that came from it, I think my flesh must be rotten. It is throbbing like old boots. I have just been out on deck and had a look at the lights. The Steward has sneaked ashore on one of our tugs. If he is caught it is a $1000 fine but it is worth it to get away. I would have gone given the chance.

We have just had 140 tonnes of fresh water pumped into us for the return to England. So we may be going soon, I hope so anyway, roll on England, Belfast first. I wonder if we shall meet any trouble this time, I so not want to see anything like that awful spectacle last trip. I've got a lot of washing to do but cannot owing to my hand and there is no one here to do it for me. These men have no sympathy for each other, I suppose they call that being mannish.

I had a funny dream last night. I do not know when or who it was. I was courting a sweet young girl, absolutely innocent and pure, innocent of everything is this world. She lived in a big house, wealthy. There was no one in the world like me, no one. I was her "ALL". Her people knew and liked me well and truly in my dream I saw the aunt by the gate. She kissed me, said "Hallo". I walked down the road with this girl happy, arm in arm. She called me "Darling". I was happy but there was that awful guilty feeling, I could not tell her or her people. I cannot describe my feeling in the dream, as I walked down that road, I was married.

What can a dream like that mean?